


don't get your hopes up

by littlealex



Category: Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-16
Updated: 2010-12-16
Packaged: 2017-10-17 18:21:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/179837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlealex/pseuds/littlealex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just another missed step on the road to... what?</p>
            </blockquote>





	don't get your hopes up

**Author's Note:**

> That's a terrible summary. And people who are concerned about angst levels: I'm not telling any more than the glorified truth, here. I've elaborated and assumed on some points, but mostly this is Toma history fic, about M.A.I.N. and how it eventually had to disband. Throw in a curveball and you've got this story. It's part of a larger series I hope to eventually finish, but as I've been sitting on this piece for nearly two years, we'll have to see how that goes.

Ikuta Toma had been with Johnny & Associates for nearly three years when he realized it was what he wanted to do for the rest of his life. Not one thing in particular, really, but the whole deal: singing, dancing, being on television, performing in front of crowds, playing silly games and having a lot of fun. It was everything he had hoped for and more. Even being a Junior, it was still better than being in your average high school band, doing your average high school plays, which was the future that had undoubtedly lay before him if he hadn't made the decision to join Johnny's.

It was hard work, of course, and he knew it would be even harder to make it anywhere near the top, but he also knew he was on his way. Sure, he was only fifteen, but he knew that Nagase had only been sixteen when TOKIO debuted, so age didn't mean anything. What did mean something was being in a unit, which finally happened for Toma more than two years after he entered the company. Things got harder as more things were put on his plate, but M.A.I.N. was given a choreographer and did magazine photo shoots together, and they each knew that they were on the right path.

It strengthened his belief when people's attitudes towards them started to change. Toma knew it was one thing to think of himself as going places, but what really mattered was what everyone else was saying. They didn't say much, but after a few months it was clear that they weren't just nameless, faceless Juniors anymore. Staff would smile at them in the hallway, senpai would ruffle their hair, and kouhai would give them exuberant grins and whisper as they passed. It was just little things like that, but there was one moment in particular which would stay with him forever.

"Hey, you two!" He didn't realize at first that Nakai was calling to him and Aiba as they left the M.A.I.N. rehearsal room. They looked around immediately, just like everyone else in the bustling hallway. Everybody listened when a senpai talked, and this was _Nakai_ , so everyone was waiting hopefully to see who he was addressing. Toma couldn't quite believe it when Nakai started walking towards them, but any doubts were erased as Aiba punched him excitedly in the side, a nervous giggle erupting. If Toma hadn't been glued to the spot before, he certainly was now.

"Ikuta and Aiba, isn't it?" Toma nodded dumbly. _Nakai knows my name,_ was all he could think, over and over in his mind. "Where are the other two?"

"They're in the rehearsal room," Aiba offered helpfully, which reminded Toma that he could actually breathe and he should probably be smiling right about now. This was no time to be starstruck.

"I think Matsumoto's still trying to learn the routine, and Nino - ah, sorry, Ninomiya - is having a conversation with the choreographer. We were just on our way to get some snacks for everyone," Toma rambled, though he didn't realize he had talked so much until he had to gasp for air. He grinned then, hoping it would make up for his speech. It was a bit of a lie - he was pretty sure Matsumoto was sitting at the makeup table playing with his hair while Nino sat in the corner and fed his Tamagotchi - but Nakai didn't need to know that. He probably didn't even care.

Nakai smiled, though, and ruffled Toma's hair. "What has it been now, three months since you were put together? It sounds like you're all working hard," he said fondly.

"We sure are!" Aiba said, grinning too. Toma caught Aiba's eye and somehow, in that moment, knew that they were thinking exactly the same thing.

"You'd better get used to it," Nakai said then, shoving his hands in his pockets and leaning in for a conspiratorial whisper. "Things will only get more busy when you debut." Before either Aiba or Toma could successfully form a response to that, Nakai leaned back and laughed a little. "See you around, guys," he said, ruffling Aiba's hair for good measure before he walked off down the hallway the way he had come.

Everyone else in the hallway had moved on ages ago, but for Toma and Aiba, the world stood still. Toma just looked over at his group mate, stunned into silence, running through the events of the last two minutes and trying to figure out how to react.

"Did he just say what I think he said?" Toma asked, more an exhale than actual words. He could feel his heart thumping hard in his chest and he was pretty sure he wasn't going to be able to concentrate for the rest of the day.

"Maybe he just meant that we will debut some day. Not soon, but some day," Aiba suggested, but he didn't look particularly convinced of his own words.

"How does he know our names, though? _I_ don't know all the Juniors' names, and I'm not Nakai Masahiro. Why would he know our names _and_ say something suggestive about debuting if he didn't know something we don't?"

"Toma," Aiba said in the most serious voice Toma had ever heard him use, "we can't get too worked up about this. If we think that it's a sure thing, we'll be too disappointed if it doesn't happen. We just have to go on like he didn't say anything."

The seriousness wasn't like Aiba at all, but Toma could tell that there was something bubbling beneath the surface, and he couldn't be the only one who wanted to let it all out.

"But -" Toma began, but Aiba just started to walk off, presumably for fear of bursting with excitement himself. Toma wasn't going to give up, though, and he caught up quickly, hooking his arm around Aiba's elbow and falling in step with him. "Come on, Aiba. Haven't you dreamed about this? Debuting?" He persisted, and the corners of Aiba's mouth twitched in a smile.

"Of course I have," Aiba said, face breaking into a smile and a giggle escaping him. "I mean, I've never wanted it desperately, but I've gotten used to the idea, you know? Nearly three years being here and I know there are people who stick it out and people who don't."

"Which one are you?"

"Well, I don't know. It's not a burning desire, but it would be fun. It's better than school, that's for sure. What about you? I know you go to Horikoshi and everything, but... is this really what you want?"

Toma just smiled for a moment, reveling in his surety. He did want it. He wanted it more than anything. His mother had called him a 'cheeky little performer' since he was two years old, which was why he was going to Horikoshi and why he jumped at the chance to be in Johnny's. Though he hadn't been sure at first, he was sure now, and he just gave Aiba a small nod in response. "Definitely."

"Well, then, for your sake... I hope we debut." Aiba grinned over at Toma, who couldn't help but let an impossibly optimistic feeling flood his body. "I'm not sure about the other two, but I think it would be fun. Us in a group, you know? We'd have a lot of fun, no matter how much hard work it is."

Toma couldn't help but let the fantasies roll before his eyes - their names lit up on stage, M.A.I.N. performing in front of thousands of people, having their own television shows, maybe even supporting the Volleyball World Cup like V6 - and he only snapped out of it when Aiba hit him in the arm.

"Oh, sorry. Yeah, I think it would be brilliant. I think Matsumoto would love it. You saw how he was in Stand By Me, he's really into it - even the lighting and stuff. Nino... give him time, he'll break out of his shell." Though, really, Toma was pretty sure all that Nino needed was a kick in the ass.

"You're right," Aiba said, grinning again. "This is too exciting, Toma. Let's stop thinking about it, okay?"

"Okay," Toma agreed, but of course he couldn't stop thinking about it. He couldn't stop thinking about it for the rest of the day, through the rehearsal, as Aiba related the story to Matsumoto and Ninomiya, or on the train ride home.

He couldn't stop thinking about it at school for the next week, and as a month passed he realized he hadn't spent one day without thinking about his imminent debut. His mother noticed, as he frequently slipped into daydreams at the dinner table. In front of his father, she would tell him to get his head out of the clouds, but as soon as she put him to bed at night, she would whisper to him that anything was possible, and he would dream of the day he got a phone call from Johnny.

After a month, however, things began to slow down. M.A.I.N. wasn't exactly broken up, but there weren't as many photo shoots, they didn't have as many rehearsals, and Toma found himself spending more time with other Juniors when he was at Johnny's headquarters. He still saw Aiba all the time - they ate their meals together when they were both in the building - but Matsumoto and Ninomiya seemed to have fallen off the face of the earth. Eventually, August turned into September, and Toma was clinging to any hope he might have had that M.A.I.N. would debut together with very thin threads.

In the middle of September, Toma was on the train to Johnny's headquarters, doing his Japanese homework, when his phone vibrated. Assuming it was his mother asking if he had remembered his lunchbox, he shoved his homework aside and tugged out his phone to assuage her fears. When he opened his phone, however, it was not a message from his mother.

'Aiba Masaki,' the name on the message read. He hesitated, confused for a moment, because although they had exchanged numbers ages ago, he wasn't sure Aiba had ever sent him a mail. He opened the message, wondering what on earth Aiba had to say.

"Hi, it's Aiba! I'm in Hawai'i! Sorry I didn't tell you earlier, but everything was confusing. Arashi is debuting tomorrow - me, Jun, Nino, Ohno-senpai, and Sakurai-kun. I wish you were here with us. Don't worry, Toma, it's your turn next! Do your best!"


End file.
